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I will let you have a sweet dream next time
About Me
- zexion ienzo
- My name is Patrick... Nice to meet y'all... Hope whoever visitin my blog will have a "make yourself at home" feeling.... Thank you all...
Followers
me and my best fren, E-Biing (yellow shirt)
Cloud roxx...
Shattered Mirror of Sora n Roxas
funny jokes...
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE . God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
______________________________________________
Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?(anyone)
Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?
Caller: I'm Sam Wan (someone) and I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what'sthis urgent matter about?
Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noel Wan ( no one ) was involved in an accident. Noel Wan got injured and now Noel Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan (everyone) is on his way to the hospital. Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, thenthe accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don'thave time for this!
Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Lee. (sorry)
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!
______________________________________________
A housewife takes a lover home during the day, while her husband is at work.Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet.Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet.The boy now has company.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad's outside."
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "$250."
Man: "Fine."
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and mom's lover are in the closet together.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball glove."
Man: "How much?"
Boy: "$750."
Man: "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball."
The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
The son says, "$1,000."
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that.That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to church and the father alerts the priest, and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that THING again!"
_____________________________________________
Origin of life
On the first day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyonewho comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"So God agreed.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said: "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."The monkey said: "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?"And God agreed.
On the third day, God created the cow and said: "You must go into the field with the farmer all daylong and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."The cow said: "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"And God agreed again.
On the fourth day, God created man and said: "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."But man said: "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?""Okay," said God, "You asked for it."
So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty yearswe slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.Life has now been explained to you.
_____________________________________________
Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner.His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted.
"Mom, I want a bike for my birthday." Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker.He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Bobby, of course, thought he did.Bobby's mother, wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year."Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you! have behaved this year. Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday."
Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.
Letter 1
Dear God,I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.Your friend,Bobby
Bobby knew that this! wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.
Letter 2
Dear God,This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like a red bike for my birthday.Thank you.Your friend Bobby
Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.
Letter 3
Dear God,I have been an "OK "boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.Bobby
Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.
Letter 4
God,I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday. Please! Thank you,Bobby
Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike. Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church. Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad."Just be home in time for dinner," Bobby's mother told him.Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary.He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Bobby began to write his letter to God.
Letter 5
God,I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND ME THE BIKE !!!!!!Bobby
_____________________________________________
Bush: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
Bush: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu (Who) is the new leader of China.
Bush: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
Bush: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
Bush: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
Bush: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
Bush: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
Bush: The main man in China!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
Bush: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you, Hu is leading China.
Bush: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
Bush: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
Bush: Will you, or will you not, tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.(Yassir)
Bush: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he's dead in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
Bush: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
Bush: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
Bush: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
Bush: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
Bush: Look Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi? (coffee)
Bush: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
Bush: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
Bush: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
Bush: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
Bush: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
Bush: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China
Bush: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
Bush: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
Bush: All right! With cream and two sugars.
_____________________________________________
Giving very odd excuses
The General went out to find that none of his G.I.s were there.
One finally ran up, panting heavily."Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here."
The General was very skeptical about this explanation but at least he was here so he let the G.I. go. Moments later, eight more G.I.s came up to the general panting, he asked them why they were late."Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here."
The General eyed them, feeling very skeptical but since he let the first guy go, he let them go, too. A ninth G.I. jogged up to the General, panting heavily."Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but..."
"Let me guess," the General interrupted, "it broke down."
"No," said the G.I., "there were so many dead horses in the road, it took forever to get around them."
_____________________________________________
The Perfect Worker
1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2 hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10 classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
11 dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13 executed as soon as possible.
Addendum:That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the reportsent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only the odd numberedlines.
_____________________________________________
One day there's this man, he heard there's a sacred Jungle in Africa. So he hired an African Jungle Guide to come along with him.
In the sacred jungle, he saw this bird, and he aim and shoot. IT MISS! the man scold : Holy Shit!
The guide said: Don't swear! This is a sacred ground.
The hunter saw a tiger, same thing, he aim and shoot, IT MISS AGAIN!the man scold : Holy Shit!
The guide said again: Don't swear, this is a sacred ground.
Then after a few more minutes, he saw an elephant, he aim and shoot another time, HE MISS AGAIN!the hunter said : Holy Shit!
The guide said : Hey don't swear if not...
However, before he could finish saying his words, he got stroke by lightning.
The sky open up and God came out and said:HOLY SHIT I MISS!
_____________________________________________
TEACHER : Balgobin, give me a sentence starting with "I".
BALGOBIN : I is...
TEACHER : No, Balgobin. Always say, "I am."
BALGOBIN : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
_____________________________________________
TEACHER: If you had one dollar and you asked your father foranother, how many dollars would you have?
Balgobin: One dollar.
TEACHER(sadly): You don't know your arithmetic.
Balgobin(sadly): You don't know my father.
_____________________________________________
Father: Balgobin, how can you call your aunt stupid? Go and say sorry to her.
Balgobin: (to the aunt) Aunt, I'm sorry you're stupid.
_____________________________________________
Indian Salesman
The Manager says: "Do you have any sales experience?"
The Indian says: "Sir, I was a salesman back home in India."
Well, the boss liked the Indian chappie so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow.. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough but he got through it.After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many sales did you make today?"
Indian boy says: "Sir, Just ONE sale."
The boss says: "Just one? No! No! No! You see here our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day." If you want to keep this job, you'd better be doing better than just one sale. By the way, how much was the sale for?"
Indian boy says: " $101 237. 64"
Boss says: "$101 237. 64? What the hell did you sell?"
Indian boy says: "Sir, First I sell him small fishhook.Then I sell him medium fishhook.Then I sell him large fishhook.Then I sold him new fishing rod and some fishing gear.Then I ask him where he's going fishing and he said down on the coast, so I told him he'll be needing a boat, so we went down to the boating department and I sell him twin engine Chris Craft.Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to our automotive department and sell him that 4X4 Blazer.I then ask him where he'll be staying, and since he had no accommodation, I took him to camping department and sell him one of those new igloo 6 sleeper camper tents.Then the guy said, while we're at it, I should throw in about $100 worth of groceries and two cases of beer.
The boss said: "You're not serious? A guy came in here to buy a fishhook and you sold him a boat, a 4X4 truck and a tent?"
Indian boy says: "No Sir, actually he came in to buy Anacin for his headache, and I said: Well, fishing is the best way to relax your mind..."
_____________________________________________
A baby turtle was standing at the bottom of a large tree and with a deep sigh, started to climb. About an hour later, he reached a very high branch and walked along to the end.
He turned and spread all four flippers and launched himself off the branch. On landing at the bottom in a pile of soft, dead leaves, he shook himself off, walked back to the bottom of the tree and with a sigh started to climb.
About an hour later, he again reached the very high branch, walked along, turned, spread his flippers and flung himself off the branch.
Again, he landed on the bottom, shook himself off, went to the bottom of the tree, sighed and started climbing.
Watching these proceedings from the end of the branch were two little birds. Mummy bird turned to Daddy bird and said, "Don't you think it's time we told him he was adopted?"
_____________________________________________
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE . God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
______________________________________________
Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?(anyone)
Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?
Caller: I'm Sam Wan (someone) and I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what'sthis urgent matter about?
Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noel Wan ( no one ) was involved in an accident. Noel Wan got injured and now Noel Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan (everyone) is on his way to the hospital. Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, thenthe accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don'thave time for this!
Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Lee. (sorry)
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!
______________________________________________
A housewife takes a lover home during the day, while her husband is at work.Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet.Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet.The boy now has company.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad's outside."
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "$250."
Man: "Fine."
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and mom's lover are in the closet together.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball glove."
Man: "How much?"
Boy: "$750."
Man: "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball."
The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
The son says, "$1,000."
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that.That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to church and the father alerts the priest, and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that THING again!"
_____________________________________________
Origin of life
On the first day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyonewho comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"So God agreed.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said: "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."The monkey said: "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?"And God agreed.
On the third day, God created the cow and said: "You must go into the field with the farmer all daylong and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."The cow said: "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"And God agreed again.
On the fourth day, God created man and said: "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."But man said: "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?""Okay," said God, "You asked for it."
So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty yearswe slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.Life has now been explained to you.
_____________________________________________
Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner.His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted.
"Mom, I want a bike for my birthday." Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker.He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Bobby, of course, thought he did.Bobby's mother, wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year."Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you! have behaved this year. Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday."
Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.
Letter 1
Dear God,I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.Your friend,Bobby
Bobby knew that this! wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.
Letter 2
Dear God,This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like a red bike for my birthday.Thank you.Your friend Bobby
Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.
Letter 3
Dear God,I have been an "OK "boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.Bobby
Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.
Letter 4
God,I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday. Please! Thank you,Bobby
Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike. Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church. Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad."Just be home in time for dinner," Bobby's mother told him.Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary.He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Bobby began to write his letter to God.
Letter 5
God,I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND ME THE BIKE !!!!!!Bobby
_____________________________________________
Bush: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
Bush: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu (Who) is the new leader of China.
Bush: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
Bush: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
Bush: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
Bush: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
Bush: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
Bush: The main man in China!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
Bush: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you, Hu is leading China.
Bush: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
Bush: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
Bush: Will you, or will you not, tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.(Yassir)
Bush: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he's dead in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
Bush: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
Bush: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
Bush: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
Bush: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
Bush: Look Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi? (coffee)
Bush: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
Bush: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
Bush: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
Bush: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
Bush: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
Bush: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China
Bush: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
Bush: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
Bush: All right! With cream and two sugars.
_____________________________________________
Giving very odd excuses
The General went out to find that none of his G.I.s were there.
One finally ran up, panting heavily."Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here."
The General was very skeptical about this explanation but at least he was here so he let the G.I. go. Moments later, eight more G.I.s came up to the general panting, he asked them why they were late."Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here."
The General eyed them, feeling very skeptical but since he let the first guy go, he let them go, too. A ninth G.I. jogged up to the General, panting heavily."Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but..."
"Let me guess," the General interrupted, "it broke down."
"No," said the G.I., "there were so many dead horses in the road, it took forever to get around them."
_____________________________________________
The Perfect Worker
1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2 hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10 classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
11 dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13 executed as soon as possible.
Addendum:That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the reportsent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only the odd numberedlines.
_____________________________________________
One day there's this man, he heard there's a sacred Jungle in Africa. So he hired an African Jungle Guide to come along with him.
In the sacred jungle, he saw this bird, and he aim and shoot. IT MISS! the man scold : Holy Shit!
The guide said: Don't swear! This is a sacred ground.
The hunter saw a tiger, same thing, he aim and shoot, IT MISS AGAIN!the man scold : Holy Shit!
The guide said again: Don't swear, this is a sacred ground.
Then after a few more minutes, he saw an elephant, he aim and shoot another time, HE MISS AGAIN!the hunter said : Holy Shit!
The guide said : Hey don't swear if not...
However, before he could finish saying his words, he got stroke by lightning.
The sky open up and God came out and said:HOLY SHIT I MISS!
_____________________________________________
TEACHER : Balgobin, give me a sentence starting with "I".
BALGOBIN : I is...
TEACHER : No, Balgobin. Always say, "I am."
BALGOBIN : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
_____________________________________________
TEACHER: If you had one dollar and you asked your father foranother, how many dollars would you have?
Balgobin: One dollar.
TEACHER(sadly): You don't know your arithmetic.
Balgobin(sadly): You don't know my father.
_____________________________________________
Father: Balgobin, how can you call your aunt stupid? Go and say sorry to her.
Balgobin: (to the aunt) Aunt, I'm sorry you're stupid.
_____________________________________________
Indian Salesman
The Manager says: "Do you have any sales experience?"
The Indian says: "Sir, I was a salesman back home in India."
Well, the boss liked the Indian chappie so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow.. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough but he got through it.After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many sales did you make today?"
Indian boy says: "Sir, Just ONE sale."
The boss says: "Just one? No! No! No! You see here our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day." If you want to keep this job, you'd better be doing better than just one sale. By the way, how much was the sale for?"
Indian boy says: " $101 237. 64"
Boss says: "$101 237. 64? What the hell did you sell?"
Indian boy says: "Sir, First I sell him small fishhook.Then I sell him medium fishhook.Then I sell him large fishhook.Then I sold him new fishing rod and some fishing gear.Then I ask him where he's going fishing and he said down on the coast, so I told him he'll be needing a boat, so we went down to the boating department and I sell him twin engine Chris Craft.Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to our automotive department and sell him that 4X4 Blazer.I then ask him where he'll be staying, and since he had no accommodation, I took him to camping department and sell him one of those new igloo 6 sleeper camper tents.Then the guy said, while we're at it, I should throw in about $100 worth of groceries and two cases of beer.
The boss said: "You're not serious? A guy came in here to buy a fishhook and you sold him a boat, a 4X4 truck and a tent?"
Indian boy says: "No Sir, actually he came in to buy Anacin for his headache, and I said: Well, fishing is the best way to relax your mind..."
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A baby turtle was standing at the bottom of a large tree and with a deep sigh, started to climb. About an hour later, he reached a very high branch and walked along to the end.
He turned and spread all four flippers and launched himself off the branch. On landing at the bottom in a pile of soft, dead leaves, he shook himself off, walked back to the bottom of the tree and with a sigh started to climb.
About an hour later, he again reached the very high branch, walked along, turned, spread his flippers and flung himself off the branch.
Again, he landed on the bottom, shook himself off, went to the bottom of the tree, sighed and started climbing.
Watching these proceedings from the end of the branch were two little birds. Mummy bird turned to Daddy bird and said, "Don't you think it's time we told him he was adopted?"
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